Myself...

I'm having doubt bout my feeling 2 u recently.. I start thinking am i reali in love wif u.. Or i jz staying in the past and dun wan 2 move on..

I wanted 2 know i love u for the past or present or forever.. I wanted 2 know i miss u for ur embrace or kisses or person..

I was thinking am i not accepting the fact that u already change.. Not the old person anymore.. The caring, loving and honest person.. The one i trust that will not leave me forever no matter what happen..

I have to wake up from my sleep.. Realize time is passing fast.. Knows that nothing will change the fact.. I have to be more confident and independent.. I have to..

I must change the future.. Appreciate those who treat me good.. Never betray me.. Spend more time wif friends and my mum.. I NEED TO WAKE UP.. AWAKE FROM MY DREAMY SLEEP.. AND FACE THE TRUTH..

Look bak the past.. And never do bak the same mistake tat i did last time.. I'll move on.. Face the college life.. Where more challenge will be awaiting me.. And lastly, learn to appreciate whenever I have the chance..

Lonely Christmas

I'm sitting in the bed
Looking up the sky full of stars
Each blinks and shine its own light
Each reminds me of our memories
From the beginning to the end
Every obstacles we managed to face
Every happiness and sadness we shared
Will remain and sealed in my heart forever.

Thinking Christmas will soon arrive
Imangine sweet moment will happen
Unforgettable day will come
But it turned out to be my hopeless dream
You will soon forget about me
Not even remember my existance
I'll celebrate every year Christmas from now on
In my lonely room
That full of your pictures and memories.

Angels

Angels
They may exist in many forms
Humans, animals, or even your plust toys
They bring happiness to your life
Wash away misery and darkness
But for me,
My angel had already leave me
I dare to say that my angel is not my mother
But is YOU
YOU are my angel
YOU bring happiness and joy to me for 4 years
I thought these happy moment will last forever
But I have to face the fact
That YOU have done your job as my angel
And God had sent you to bring happiness to another person
I'm sorry if I failed to repay your kindness
Or maybe I did, but it is too late
All I can do now is
Sit at a corner
Waiting for you to come and guide me
To the road of love, happiness and eternity
No matter how long I have to wait
1 year, 3 years, 10 years, the rest of my life
I will always be here
And wait for you to say
I LOVE YOU

Add math = Monster

Ok, i nvr got so emo b4 this.. i was actually x care bout add math b4.. bt i reali dunno y 2day i got so damn emo and sad jz bcox of it !! paper2 was so damn freaking hard and i was bout 2 cry when i doin section B !!

when i arrive home i cried for 15mins and now was so damn emo.. i dun even wan go out eat dinner.. in my life, i nvr do so difficult add math Q b4 !! I HATE YOU ADDITIONAL MATHEMATICS !! AND NOW I'M GONNA BREAK UP WIF U !! DUN EVER COME BAK AND FIND ME !! YOU BI**H !!

SPM comin

Ok.. so SPM is comin.. one more month !! argh !! and i havent study yet..!! some1 pls help me in chem and add math !!

SPM is comin means my sch life is goin to end.. suddenly fell like x leaving the sch.. dunno y.. gonna miss my frenz and the feeling of goin sch alot.. my mum said it is a normal feeling.. when u r in form1, u feel like throwing out sch.. bt when u reach form5, u feel like turning bak the time whr u r in kindergarden.. 30oct is form5 graduation day.. oh, i'm gonna hold bak my tears tat day !!

anyway, good luck to all my frenz who r sitting 4 SPM this yr !! gambatteh !! go go perang SPM !!

Lyric

Nobody knows who I really am,
I never felt this empty before,
But if I ever someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong ?

This is part of the lyric i pick from my favourite J-pop song, Life is like a Boat by Rie Fu. I think this line truly express my feeling for this 17years.

breaking up

most of the ppl said breaking up is the most painful thing to do. bt i dun think so. wat i think is letting go of some1 that u reali love is the most painful thing. i have 2 let go my most beloved bf. y ? i cant get the correct ans myself too. i cant stand his selfish attitude. i had 2 go his way all the time bt he nvr go my way even once. i always wanted something bt he nvr giv me once. i am very unhappy all this while. bt y am i still love him the most ? y must i cry 4 this kind of person every nite ? i dun understand at all.

things had chng. he is not the same person anymore. he wun hold me tight when i wan let go. bt he promised me that he will nvr ever let me go. bt he now let go of him ? he seem x care at all. my fren told me v r technically over. i was like.. what ? if he wan a break up, y dun he tell me honestly ? y must he act dun care and dun know ? i reali dun understand what he thinking.

i wish he know what i was thinking. i wanted him to hold me tight everytime i wanna go away. i wanted him told me that dun go and dun leave him. he knew wat i wan. bt y he dun wan take action ? he knew i cant let him go bt y yet he wanted 2 hurt me like now ? i am confused. confused that whether he still love me onot. i wish someday i will find the ans.

bt i am glad v still can b fren. i still can go his hse and see him. talk 2 him. i am reali glad. honestly. as long as i can still see him and talk 2 him, i am happy enuf. bt if 1 day he found a new gf and i saw it, how would i react ? how will i feel that time ? i cant imagine. cox i d crying badly right now.

Love

What is love exactly ? A feeling ? Something that is memorable ? Something to cherish ? Or maybe something that can hurt u badly ? I start to think that love is just a temporarily feeling. Nothing will last forever. Someone fall in love because of the opposite sex appearance, personality or maybe family background. But will this feeling last forever ? I'm not sure of it. At the beginning of my love and relationship stage, I always think that eternal love does exist. But as time goes, this thought slowly change deep inside my heart. Your partner might be keep telling you the same answer everytime you ask them "Do you really love me ?". But you don't know what are they thinking exactly deep inside their heart.

I trust my partner 101% at first that he will love me forever. But I get confused as time goes by. His attitude, his way of talking, really makes me go blur. I start wondering is he really love me compared to last time. I know in a relationship trust and honesty is the most important thing to have in order to keep the relationship well. However, after this 4years, it seems like I'm the one who try very hard to maintain this relationship. I start thinking am I still in the right way doing this. Is he worth it for me to change myself ? Is the the one for me ? I don't know. I really don't know the answer.

Busy busy busy !!!

omg, recently reali sooooo busy until x free to update my blog !! trial spm is comin, actual spm oso comin !! study until sei kaw kaw d lo !! stress oso increase from day to day. wonder how to survive till spm.

anyway, ntg special happen 2 me nowadays. so all this while my mood is jz.. neutral.. lol.. oh btw, i jz sent my pc to format ytd.. kena virus kaw kaw !! and i forget that i x save my class pics !! argh !! lucky i got some in my blog and facebook.

well, gtg right now. go study le !! wish me luck !! WISH ALL MY FRENZ GOOD LUCK FOR PERANG SPM 2009 !!

3rd day of break up

2day is my 3rd day of break up. I feel ok 2day. Bt still i cant stop thinking of our memories and of cox him. I reali cant 4get him at all. I think of our sad and happy memories. Haiz. I dunno when i can let go him and love annother guy. Bt i dun think i can. I called him ytd. At 1st he din pick up my call. When i said 2 myself this is the last time i will called him, he ans my call. V din talk alot, as both of us dunno wat 2 talk. When i cant control myself, start crying badly, i said 2 him that i love u, i din wait 4 his reply and i terus hang up. i send the last sms 2 him said thx 2 him ans my call. i reali sad now. i wan turn bak all wat i hav done. bt i cant. i will live in regret feeling 4ever. and i will love him 4ever no matter wat happen.