Myself...

I'm having doubt bout my feeling 2 u recently.. I start thinking am i reali in love wif u.. Or i jz staying in the past and dun wan 2 move on..

I wanted 2 know i love u for the past or present or forever.. I wanted 2 know i miss u for ur embrace or kisses or person..

I was thinking am i not accepting the fact that u already change.. Not the old person anymore.. The caring, loving and honest person.. The one i trust that will not leave me forever no matter what happen..

I have to wake up from my sleep.. Realize time is passing fast.. Knows that nothing will change the fact.. I have to be more confident and independent.. I have to..

I must change the future.. Appreciate those who treat me good.. Never betray me.. Spend more time wif friends and my mum.. I NEED TO WAKE UP.. AWAKE FROM MY DREAMY SLEEP.. AND FACE THE TRUTH..

Look bak the past.. And never do bak the same mistake tat i did last time.. I'll move on.. Face the college life.. Where more challenge will be awaiting me.. And lastly, learn to appreciate whenever I have the chance..

Lonely Christmas

I'm sitting in the bed
Looking up the sky full of stars
Each blinks and shine its own light
Each reminds me of our memories
From the beginning to the end
Every obstacles we managed to face
Every happiness and sadness we shared
Will remain and sealed in my heart forever.

Thinking Christmas will soon arrive
Imangine sweet moment will happen
Unforgettable day will come
But it turned out to be my hopeless dream
You will soon forget about me
Not even remember my existance
I'll celebrate every year Christmas from now on
In my lonely room
That full of your pictures and memories.

Angels

Angels
They may exist in many forms
Humans, animals, or even your plust toys
They bring happiness to your life
Wash away misery and darkness
But for me,
My angel had already leave me
I dare to say that my angel is not my mother
But is YOU
YOU are my angel
YOU bring happiness and joy to me for 4 years
I thought these happy moment will last forever
But I have to face the fact
That YOU have done your job as my angel
And God had sent you to bring happiness to another person
I'm sorry if I failed to repay your kindness
Or maybe I did, but it is too late
All I can do now is
Sit at a corner
Waiting for you to come and guide me
To the road of love, happiness and eternity
No matter how long I have to wait
1 year, 3 years, 10 years, the rest of my life
I will always be here
And wait for you to say
I LOVE YOU

Add math = Monster

Ok, i nvr got so emo b4 this.. i was actually x care bout add math b4.. bt i reali dunno y 2day i got so damn emo and sad jz bcox of it !! paper2 was so damn freaking hard and i was bout 2 cry when i doin section B !!

when i arrive home i cried for 15mins and now was so damn emo.. i dun even wan go out eat dinner.. in my life, i nvr do so difficult add math Q b4 !! I HATE YOU ADDITIONAL MATHEMATICS !! AND NOW I'M GONNA BREAK UP WIF U !! DUN EVER COME BAK AND FIND ME !! YOU BI**H !!

SPM comin

Ok.. so SPM is comin.. one more month !! argh !! and i havent study yet..!! some1 pls help me in chem and add math !!

SPM is comin means my sch life is goin to end.. suddenly fell like x leaving the sch.. dunno y.. gonna miss my frenz and the feeling of goin sch alot.. my mum said it is a normal feeling.. when u r in form1, u feel like throwing out sch.. bt when u reach form5, u feel like turning bak the time whr u r in kindergarden.. 30oct is form5 graduation day.. oh, i'm gonna hold bak my tears tat day !!

anyway, good luck to all my frenz who r sitting 4 SPM this yr !! gambatteh !! go go perang SPM !!

Lyric

Nobody knows who I really am,
I never felt this empty before,
But if I ever someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong ?

This is part of the lyric i pick from my favourite J-pop song, Life is like a Boat by Rie Fu. I think this line truly express my feeling for this 17years.

breaking up

most of the ppl said breaking up is the most painful thing to do. bt i dun think so. wat i think is letting go of some1 that u reali love is the most painful thing. i have 2 let go my most beloved bf. y ? i cant get the correct ans myself too. i cant stand his selfish attitude. i had 2 go his way all the time bt he nvr go my way even once. i always wanted something bt he nvr giv me once. i am very unhappy all this while. bt y am i still love him the most ? y must i cry 4 this kind of person every nite ? i dun understand at all.

things had chng. he is not the same person anymore. he wun hold me tight when i wan let go. bt he promised me that he will nvr ever let me go. bt he now let go of him ? he seem x care at all. my fren told me v r technically over. i was like.. what ? if he wan a break up, y dun he tell me honestly ? y must he act dun care and dun know ? i reali dun understand what he thinking.

i wish he know what i was thinking. i wanted him to hold me tight everytime i wanna go away. i wanted him told me that dun go and dun leave him. he knew wat i wan. bt y he dun wan take action ? he knew i cant let him go bt y yet he wanted 2 hurt me like now ? i am confused. confused that whether he still love me onot. i wish someday i will find the ans.

bt i am glad v still can b fren. i still can go his hse and see him. talk 2 him. i am reali glad. honestly. as long as i can still see him and talk 2 him, i am happy enuf. bt if 1 day he found a new gf and i saw it, how would i react ? how will i feel that time ? i cant imagine. cox i d crying badly right now.

Love

What is love exactly ? A feeling ? Something that is memorable ? Something to cherish ? Or maybe something that can hurt u badly ? I start to think that love is just a temporarily feeling. Nothing will last forever. Someone fall in love because of the opposite sex appearance, personality or maybe family background. But will this feeling last forever ? I'm not sure of it. At the beginning of my love and relationship stage, I always think that eternal love does exist. But as time goes, this thought slowly change deep inside my heart. Your partner might be keep telling you the same answer everytime you ask them "Do you really love me ?". But you don't know what are they thinking exactly deep inside their heart.

I trust my partner 101% at first that he will love me forever. But I get confused as time goes by. His attitude, his way of talking, really makes me go blur. I start wondering is he really love me compared to last time. I know in a relationship trust and honesty is the most important thing to have in order to keep the relationship well. However, after this 4years, it seems like I'm the one who try very hard to maintain this relationship. I start thinking am I still in the right way doing this. Is he worth it for me to change myself ? Is the the one for me ? I don't know. I really don't know the answer.

Busy busy busy !!!

omg, recently reali sooooo busy until x free to update my blog !! trial spm is comin, actual spm oso comin !! study until sei kaw kaw d lo !! stress oso increase from day to day. wonder how to survive till spm.

anyway, ntg special happen 2 me nowadays. so all this while my mood is jz.. neutral.. lol.. oh btw, i jz sent my pc to format ytd.. kena virus kaw kaw !! and i forget that i x save my class pics !! argh !! lucky i got some in my blog and facebook.

well, gtg right now. go study le !! wish me luck !! WISH ALL MY FRENZ GOOD LUCK FOR PERANG SPM 2009 !!

3rd day of break up

2day is my 3rd day of break up. I feel ok 2day. Bt still i cant stop thinking of our memories and of cox him. I reali cant 4get him at all. I think of our sad and happy memories. Haiz. I dunno when i can let go him and love annother guy. Bt i dun think i can. I called him ytd. At 1st he din pick up my call. When i said 2 myself this is the last time i will called him, he ans my call. V din talk alot, as both of us dunno wat 2 talk. When i cant control myself, start crying badly, i said 2 him that i love u, i din wait 4 his reply and i terus hang up. i send the last sms 2 him said thx 2 him ans my call. i reali sad now. i wan turn bak all wat i hav done. bt i cant. i will live in regret feeling 4ever. and i will love him 4ever no matter wat happen.

2nd day of break up

2day is 2nd day of my break up.. I feel lost.. I feel so lonely.. All by meself.. Even got frenz surrounding me bt i still feel odd.. I cant feel the presence of u.. I want u bak so badly.. I miss u so much.. I miss ur hug, ur kiss, ur sms, everything.. I becomin more and more individualistic.. I wish i had u bak.. Bt i cant.. I made the wrong decision i guess.. I cant turn bak.. Bcox i know u wun wan me bak.. I guess i will 4ever live in regret and sadness.. No matter how many i many frenz i hav, not even one of them can replace u.. I smile and laugh in front of them, bt i hide my tears and sorrow in my heart.. No ppl will know..

1st day of break up

2day is my 1st day of break up. feel so lonely and moody. i nvr miss u so much like this b4. i feel i lose somebody important in my life. i still cant figure out wat makes us break up for the 2nd time. i thought v hav learnt our lesson and will love each other reali seriously this time. bt i was wrong. reali wrong.

honestly, i reali know i'm wrong last time. i wanted 2 chng bt u jz dun giv me another chance. u gav, bt not a sincere one. i thought u gimme the real chance, so i tried very hard 2 chng. bt when i did halfway, u suddenly made me realize all this while u wan me bak is all fake. all FAKE. i wun ever trust guys promises and words anymore. ANYMORE.

Weird dream

ytd i had a very weird dream.. i was in a fantasy land, whr waterfall, rainbow and mystical birds flying ard.. u know like those in a secret jungle.. i was instructed by a some kind of ppl (like a guard lidat) and walk ard the jungle wif a few other unknown ppl.. i still can remember clearly the view of the secret jungle.. peaceful, relaxing, beautiful everything tat can makes a person calm at instant..

well, i was walking till a part v stop and each of us hav 2 use the vine to swing to one place.. omg.. i was so nervous tat time.. i ask the guard y do v nid 2 swing.. he said it will automatically bring us to our hse.. erm.. i was like.. hse ?? i'm goin 2 stay thr 4ever ?? 4get bout it.. it was my turn.. when i hold on 2 the vine, it swing automatically and in a sec i saw the whole jungle..!! omg, it so beautiful and thr r alot of door like condo and each of the person inside wave 2 me..!! walao.. wat a nice experience..

now i in my room.. i x sure which floor or watever it is cox i suddenly went in it.. now i know the vine is like a lift or escalator.. lol.. in my room, all the furniture is already neatly placed.. a hi-tech comp, sofa, a bed, tv.. jz like my dream condo !! thr is a balcony too.. i say hi to my neighbout bt he jz wave bak and smile.. he is an average old man.. i saw his room full of books and papers.. i can see he is writing poem or some sort of literature stuff.. he cont his writing i jz went bak 2 my room..

it starts to rain not long after i on the comp.. all of sudden, a dog / puppy jump into my room !! it is a golden retriever.. he starts jump ard my hse and then sleep at the sofa.. i tried to shoo him away bt he is so cute tat i cant do tat 2 him..!! so i let him be wif me and take it as my pet.. well, it was a weird bt perfect dream.. too bad i cant see the ending cox all of sudden my alarm clock rang.. haiz.. well, i jz enjoy the dream very much especially the intro to jungle.. haha.. bt, till now, i still thinking, is thr a meaning behind this dream ?

Sakae Sushi @ Pavillion as my bday dinner !!

Special thanks

My mum >> thx 4 the PSP and MP4

My dad >> thx for the rm100

Sabrina >> thx for the cute teddy bear and the bracelet / necklace (still havent open up and see XD)

Sok Yeng >> thx for the Fahrenheit DVD ^^ (bought it immediately 4 me)

Yeng Yeng and bf, Joshua >> thx 4 the cute cup ^^

Gordon >> thx 4 comin my bday outing

Wen Han, my bf >> thx alot for the Famous Amos teddy bear wif Ferrero Rocher and love cup plus 2 secret recipe cake ^^ muax ! love u so much dear ^^

Last bt not least, thx to those wishes me happy bday and those who text me
>>Kuan Kit (1st one, on 4th august)
>>Angel and Suk Khuan (at night 4th august)
>>Sattis (on 5th august)
>>Janice (during the outing, afternoon, 5th august)
>>Wen Han (12.59am)
>>Matthew (5.42am)
>>Cynthia (8.56am, thx for remember my bday ^^)
>>Taylor's College (8.57am, lol)
>>Amy (11.40am, thx jie)
>>Sabrina (6.32pm)
>>Sok Yeng (12.25am, 8th august)
>>Amanda Lew (9th august)
>>Sue Ann(9th august)

Those who wrote on my wall in FaceBook
:Renesia, Jason, Lu Ee, Chermaine, Sabrina, Canny, Chienny, Angel, Yen Jo, Lai Fun, Ros, Lee Foon

THX AGAIN EVERYONE !! MUAX !! LUV U GUYS !!

My 2009 bday present ^^

SBS IS QUARANTINE

ATTENTION ALL SBS-IAN : OUR SCHOOL WILL BE CLOSE FOR 1WEEK. FOR THOSE WHO GOING CHINESE CAMP THIS SAT, IT WILL BE POSTPONE TO 8 OF AUGUST WHICH IS NEXT SAT.

ATTENTION 5 DAMARIANS : OUR "BELOVED" PHYSICS TCHER ASKS US TO FINISH UP THE PURPLE BOOK FOR PAPER3. IF CAN DO ALSO PAPER2.

LETS PRAY OUR SCHOOL WILL BE RE-OPEN SOON. AND NOBODY IS POSITIVE H1N1. GOD BLESS US

Class photos rockz man !!

Lets see pics ya.. Cox i ntg 2 say except 5 Damar rockz !! Well, shall we start ?

Last photo v took.. Good job guys !! Rockz 5 Damar 4eva !!

Point at the camera !!!

Whoa, Sonia and Assvini so cool.. Ok, this time i act cool.. Lol

Mafia of 5 D !! YY sot again.. Assvini, dun so angry la..

Amir y u so happy.. Lol

Fly Les, fly !! SY throw the glasses !!

Eee.. Les act cute again.. Oops, cant see me XD

Both guys and girls toilet.. Lol

Outside girls toilet.. Everyone seems tired..

TJ u reali sot.. SY and me become shooter !! YY dun act cool..

Hah.. The Angels of 5 Damar.. Cool leh.. Behind 2 cacat.. Dun care..

X comment on this photo.. Haha

Oops.. Cant see me.. >.<>

Aioo.. SY since when become so ganas.. Punch TJ pula..

EL and SY turn to fly without wings !!

OMG.. TJ, hug la ur gf.. Not les !! Ashraf suddenly so tall.. Hehe..

Ok.. TJ is pretending to be high.. YY and Les act cute.. Haha

Les and TJ flying without wings !!

Peace guys.. And girls..

Matt.. I know u x tall enuf.. Jz dun fall !! And TJ, pls kiss ur gf.. Not YY !! Eww !!

Act cool ar.. Except our tcher act cute.. Hehe..

What a day.. Lol

2day was kinda exciting and tiring day.. the whole day v seldom stay in class cox the early morning v went so self access centre for BM lesson.. then v had biology seminar at downstairs.. after our recess, we went to AVA room for eng bt we went the wrong one and in the end get scolded by our tcher.. she x angry at 1st bt when v giv a lot of excuses for x done her work, she get mad and gav us A LOT A LOT of homework.. seriously, a lot.. at the end of the day, we took pics for school magazine wearing our class t-shirt.. damn cool weh !! for almost 1 and half hour v took the pics at our class, staircase and even toilet (haha !)

after sch, me, sabby and yeng went to jusco to hav our lunch at McD.. as v walking to the lrt station, few guys from one filter water company approach us and ask us to fill in some info.. so v did it.. while 2 of us filling the form, one of the guys ask us "r u guys form3?". we were like.. WHAT THE...? well, i dun angry cox i was short so i dun mind bt sabby was tall like hell and he thought she is form3 ? oh so swt... =.= then he was asking sort of Q like "u guys from same class?"-of cox we were since v wearing the same t-shirt, duh !! then "u guys from wat society?"-pls !! it is so obvious tat we wearing class t-shirt. den another of the guys cont wif non-sense Q.. swt.. we think these ppl not from this area based from their Q.. haha..

so eventually we went to tuition and things goes the same as usual boring and sleepy monday.. tats all for now.. ^^

A special present bought for my bf

I went to jusco maluri ytd and i bought one special present for me and my bf.. It was Parker pen and our name craft on the pen.. Here is the pics :

This the pen.. I got one, he got one..

His name : Serge Lim W.H

My name : Amanda Yip S.K