breaking up

most of the ppl said breaking up is the most painful thing to do. bt i dun think so. wat i think is letting go of some1 that u reali love is the most painful thing. i have 2 let go my most beloved bf. y ? i cant get the correct ans myself too. i cant stand his selfish attitude. i had 2 go his way all the time bt he nvr go my way even once. i always wanted something bt he nvr giv me once. i am very unhappy all this while. bt y am i still love him the most ? y must i cry 4 this kind of person every nite ? i dun understand at all.

things had chng. he is not the same person anymore. he wun hold me tight when i wan let go. bt he promised me that he will nvr ever let me go. bt he now let go of him ? he seem x care at all. my fren told me v r technically over. i was like.. what ? if he wan a break up, y dun he tell me honestly ? y must he act dun care and dun know ? i reali dun understand what he thinking.

i wish he know what i was thinking. i wanted him to hold me tight everytime i wanna go away. i wanted him told me that dun go and dun leave him. he knew wat i wan. bt y he dun wan take action ? he knew i cant let him go bt y yet he wanted 2 hurt me like now ? i am confused. confused that whether he still love me onot. i wish someday i will find the ans.

bt i am glad v still can b fren. i still can go his hse and see him. talk 2 him. i am reali glad. honestly. as long as i can still see him and talk 2 him, i am happy enuf. bt if 1 day he found a new gf and i saw it, how would i react ? how will i feel that time ? i cant imagine. cox i d crying badly right now.

Love

What is love exactly ? A feeling ? Something that is memorable ? Something to cherish ? Or maybe something that can hurt u badly ? I start to think that love is just a temporarily feeling. Nothing will last forever. Someone fall in love because of the opposite sex appearance, personality or maybe family background. But will this feeling last forever ? I'm not sure of it. At the beginning of my love and relationship stage, I always think that eternal love does exist. But as time goes, this thought slowly change deep inside my heart. Your partner might be keep telling you the same answer everytime you ask them "Do you really love me ?". But you don't know what are they thinking exactly deep inside their heart.

I trust my partner 101% at first that he will love me forever. But I get confused as time goes by. His attitude, his way of talking, really makes me go blur. I start wondering is he really love me compared to last time. I know in a relationship trust and honesty is the most important thing to have in order to keep the relationship well. However, after this 4years, it seems like I'm the one who try very hard to maintain this relationship. I start thinking am I still in the right way doing this. Is he worth it for me to change myself ? Is the the one for me ? I don't know. I really don't know the answer.

Busy busy busy !!!

omg, recently reali sooooo busy until x free to update my blog !! trial spm is comin, actual spm oso comin !! study until sei kaw kaw d lo !! stress oso increase from day to day. wonder how to survive till spm.

anyway, ntg special happen 2 me nowadays. so all this while my mood is jz.. neutral.. lol.. oh btw, i jz sent my pc to format ytd.. kena virus kaw kaw !! and i forget that i x save my class pics !! argh !! lucky i got some in my blog and facebook.

well, gtg right now. go study le !! wish me luck !! WISH ALL MY FRENZ GOOD LUCK FOR PERANG SPM 2009 !!

3rd day of break up

2day is my 3rd day of break up. I feel ok 2day. Bt still i cant stop thinking of our memories and of cox him. I reali cant 4get him at all. I think of our sad and happy memories. Haiz. I dunno when i can let go him and love annother guy. Bt i dun think i can. I called him ytd. At 1st he din pick up my call. When i said 2 myself this is the last time i will called him, he ans my call. V din talk alot, as both of us dunno wat 2 talk. When i cant control myself, start crying badly, i said 2 him that i love u, i din wait 4 his reply and i terus hang up. i send the last sms 2 him said thx 2 him ans my call. i reali sad now. i wan turn bak all wat i hav done. bt i cant. i will live in regret feeling 4ever. and i will love him 4ever no matter wat happen.

2nd day of break up

2day is 2nd day of my break up.. I feel lost.. I feel so lonely.. All by meself.. Even got frenz surrounding me bt i still feel odd.. I cant feel the presence of u.. I want u bak so badly.. I miss u so much.. I miss ur hug, ur kiss, ur sms, everything.. I becomin more and more individualistic.. I wish i had u bak.. Bt i cant.. I made the wrong decision i guess.. I cant turn bak.. Bcox i know u wun wan me bak.. I guess i will 4ever live in regret and sadness.. No matter how many i many frenz i hav, not even one of them can replace u.. I smile and laugh in front of them, bt i hide my tears and sorrow in my heart.. No ppl will know..

1st day of break up

2day is my 1st day of break up. feel so lonely and moody. i nvr miss u so much like this b4. i feel i lose somebody important in my life. i still cant figure out wat makes us break up for the 2nd time. i thought v hav learnt our lesson and will love each other reali seriously this time. bt i was wrong. reali wrong.

honestly, i reali know i'm wrong last time. i wanted 2 chng bt u jz dun giv me another chance. u gav, bt not a sincere one. i thought u gimme the real chance, so i tried very hard 2 chng. bt when i did halfway, u suddenly made me realize all this while u wan me bak is all fake. all FAKE. i wun ever trust guys promises and words anymore. ANYMORE.

Weird dream

ytd i had a very weird dream.. i was in a fantasy land, whr waterfall, rainbow and mystical birds flying ard.. u know like those in a secret jungle.. i was instructed by a some kind of ppl (like a guard lidat) and walk ard the jungle wif a few other unknown ppl.. i still can remember clearly the view of the secret jungle.. peaceful, relaxing, beautiful everything tat can makes a person calm at instant..

well, i was walking till a part v stop and each of us hav 2 use the vine to swing to one place.. omg.. i was so nervous tat time.. i ask the guard y do v nid 2 swing.. he said it will automatically bring us to our hse.. erm.. i was like.. hse ?? i'm goin 2 stay thr 4ever ?? 4get bout it.. it was my turn.. when i hold on 2 the vine, it swing automatically and in a sec i saw the whole jungle..!! omg, it so beautiful and thr r alot of door like condo and each of the person inside wave 2 me..!! walao.. wat a nice experience..

now i in my room.. i x sure which floor or watever it is cox i suddenly went in it.. now i know the vine is like a lift or escalator.. lol.. in my room, all the furniture is already neatly placed.. a hi-tech comp, sofa, a bed, tv.. jz like my dream condo !! thr is a balcony too.. i say hi to my neighbout bt he jz wave bak and smile.. he is an average old man.. i saw his room full of books and papers.. i can see he is writing poem or some sort of literature stuff.. he cont his writing i jz went bak 2 my room..

it starts to rain not long after i on the comp.. all of sudden, a dog / puppy jump into my room !! it is a golden retriever.. he starts jump ard my hse and then sleep at the sofa.. i tried to shoo him away bt he is so cute tat i cant do tat 2 him..!! so i let him be wif me and take it as my pet.. well, it was a weird bt perfect dream.. too bad i cant see the ending cox all of sudden my alarm clock rang.. haiz.. well, i jz enjoy the dream very much especially the intro to jungle.. haha.. bt, till now, i still thinking, is thr a meaning behind this dream ?

Sakae Sushi @ Pavillion as my bday dinner !!

Special thanks

My mum >> thx 4 the PSP and MP4

My dad >> thx for the rm100

Sabrina >> thx for the cute teddy bear and the bracelet / necklace (still havent open up and see XD)

Sok Yeng >> thx for the Fahrenheit DVD ^^ (bought it immediately 4 me)

Yeng Yeng and bf, Joshua >> thx 4 the cute cup ^^

Gordon >> thx 4 comin my bday outing

Wen Han, my bf >> thx alot for the Famous Amos teddy bear wif Ferrero Rocher and love cup plus 2 secret recipe cake ^^ muax ! love u so much dear ^^

Last bt not least, thx to those wishes me happy bday and those who text me
>>Kuan Kit (1st one, on 4th august)
>>Angel and Suk Khuan (at night 4th august)
>>Sattis (on 5th august)
>>Janice (during the outing, afternoon, 5th august)
>>Wen Han (12.59am)
>>Matthew (5.42am)
>>Cynthia (8.56am, thx for remember my bday ^^)
>>Taylor's College (8.57am, lol)
>>Amy (11.40am, thx jie)
>>Sabrina (6.32pm)
>>Sok Yeng (12.25am, 8th august)
>>Amanda Lew (9th august)
>>Sue Ann(9th august)

Those who wrote on my wall in FaceBook
:Renesia, Jason, Lu Ee, Chermaine, Sabrina, Canny, Chienny, Angel, Yen Jo, Lai Fun, Ros, Lee Foon

THX AGAIN EVERYONE !! MUAX !! LUV U GUYS !!

My 2009 bday present ^^