Lost hope

I shouldn't be emotional at this time...
I should have focus on my final exam...

I shouldn't fall in love at this time...
I should have just study hard in college...

I shouldn't feel miserable when I face this problem...
I should have just throw it away and enjoy life...

I shouldn't do this right now...
I should have do it later on when the time is right...

I shouldn't lost my hope just because of this words...
But why am I feeling not myself right now...?
But why am I so sensitive about your response...?

It is just a question...
A stupid question...
But why your "I don't care de, haha" makes me feel like... Abandoned ??

I suppose to have stronger heart now...
But why it is easier to break into pieces...?
Why it is easier to feel the pain...?

I guess I know why...
Since the day you leave me, I have lost hope in everything I do...
Even I fall in love again now, I am afraid...
Afraid to lost like how I lost you...

I don't have the courage to stand up...
I don't have the courage to say out loud...
I don't have the courage to pretend nothing happened as before...
I only have fear and negative in me...

Yes, I have lost hope when it comes to falling in love...